Once Upon a time there was a little town. Everything about the town, well, sucked, it was a fucking wretched place. Only a few cool people live there, and it was a God damned Island, which had nothing worth visiting. One of the few cool people who lived there was Milton, a postman. Milton had been the punch line of jokes for as long as he can remember, and he was extremely sick of it, you see he was sixty seven years old and never stuck up for himself, ever. You see Milton was vertically impaired, a midget if you will. In fact he was so short that even the local midget community (The island had over three thousand midgets living there). So one day Milton Reginald Hamid decided that the only thing to do was to take the law into his own hands.

One warm winter day, (It was warm thanks to El Nino), Milton filled up his bag with provisions and drove to work. At the office the other postal employees noticed that Milton`s bag was full on his way in not out, so in the tradition of Milton`s life they began to make fun of him. ``Hey Mil-mil did you get lost yesterday?`` or ``Hey short boy, you suck`` and ``Yo Milly, you stuff Vanilli in da` bag? Huh?``. Of course this was followed by a chorus of laughing, but on this day Milton was in no mood. So he reached into his sac and produced an uzi, since his shift started at noon the post office was crowed. ``Shut up you ignorant fools!`` He spewed forth from his pie hole, and leveled the uzi so he could see down the site. ``Now you die!`` Spat forth from Milton`s talking orifice. Pulling the trigger a hail storm ejaculated from the gun. Every person in the office screamed and fell to their knees (Remember he is really short, beyond short, and only about two feet tall). He laughed hysterically ceasing to fire temporally. Then he went to shoot again -click- The clip, the only clip he brought was empty. Calmly he reached into his bag and pulled out a six foot sword, (Small compared to the size of his penis), and charged the closest person to him. The 500 pound African-American`s head rolled right off without a problem, ``Later Nas!``, he shouted as her head rolled away. Since the pain and blood loss had caused everyone else to lapse into unconsciousness, every else had passed out, or so he thought. ``Well done Milton, I should have seen this coming, a mile away.`` It was Angus the post master. ``Mwa ha ha! You can not hurt me Milton, I am the post master! But you can call me Master Doom!!!`` With the formalities finished Master Doom Willed an explosion under Milton, virtually destroying the entire world. ``Boom`` Whispered Master Doom after the explosion. ``That be correct, boom`` Said a voice behind him.

``What? Who dares survive my boomy?`` Questioned Master Doom.

``Me``

``WHO...... who is me?``

``I am me,`` The voice replied, ``Care for a smoke?``

``Huh..... N..no thanks, who are you.....``

``We midgets L-O-V-E them``

``Mi... Milton?``

``What you thought I was mortal? HA!`` After lighting his cigarette Milton lifted his sword and hacked furiously at Master Doom. However Master Doom was too quick and dodged every attack.

``That is a large sword you have...`` Started Master Doom.

``You think this is big you should see the size of my peni\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\(Censors blocked the gay sex part)\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\``Harder oh yes now let the elephant use his trunk oh ye......(Sorry not done yet.)\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

``Now you must die`` Milton stated while wiping eagle jizz and lubrication out of his ear. Both of them retrieved their swords and charged at one another. ``You make me sick Mil. You are a post man after dozens of lives to live, only a post man. I, however, am a post MASTER!``

``I was waiting for you to die so that I can be promoted`` Their swords met, the energy this released was cataclysmic. The remains of cities and towns across the world were leveled. ``I am the epiphany of all that is good, and you all that is evil. Good always defeats evil.``

``That`s not true remem...`` But before Master Doom could finish Milton lobed his head off.

Looking around Milton noticed a group of people walking his way. The soul survivors of the Armageddon he and Master Doom created. ``NOOOOOO!`` He screamed as he realized who was advancing, Doc Breem, Mr. Feary, Mrs. Pachan, Brother Tom and Mrs. Kamke, for they too were the immortals aligned with good. ``An eternity with them? Please Master Doom Rise up and kill me! Oh almighty Gwar why hast thou forsaken me? WHY?!?!?``